Your friends are always sitting in peace circles having really in-depth conversations about the cosmos, or the inner-mind, or the beyond, or the abstract, or the anything that isn’t sports and candy bars. Maybe they talk about that too, but in a way that is deep. You want to join the group. You want to be deep too.

How To Be Deep: Be Vague

If you don’t make any definitive statements, they can’t hold you to your word.

How To Be Deep: Be Silent

Shutting up is the best way to get others to shut up. Practice a stoic look in the mirror; get your eyes to glisten with the bright sheen like those of a curious child’s. This is the look. None question this look. Some may find it bewildering, but most will find it encapsulating. But no one will suspect that you’re a fool.

How To Be Deep: Agree

Everybody likes being agreed with. Say things like “Isn’t it so” and “I feel that way.” If someone asks you to clarify, just tell them you’re not sure how, but you just know it’s right.

How To Be Deep: Gibberish

“The lion of our tears cannot be tamed by a whip, he must be pounced upon by a cosmic black panther Sheba god, and that’s why the Walkman is out of style.” You hit people with that, and they’ll call you an idiot or crazy. But you just look at them like they’re too small to get it and they’ll start believing that you could be right.

How To Be Deep: Educate Yourself

If you truly want to be deep, then get deep. Instruct yourself on the philosophies and rhythms of the world. Read Siddhartha and The Prophet, and the litany of great enlightening books out there. Listen to Paul Simon and Justin Townes Earle, and give up on dubstep. Spend the time to lay under clouds and stars, thinking or not thinking, it doesn’t matter so long as you get in the hours.

How To Be Deep: Get New, Dumber Friends

Being deep is lame. Play video games and squish bugs to your heart’s content. As long as you experience joy in life, you’re as deep as you need to be.

How To Be Deep