David has signed up for a one-week backpacking adventure in the Colorado Rockies with Outward Bound. His excitement was growing, he felt as if he could finally become one with nature. That is until he looked into the mirror. It was almost as if he were aging backward. He did not resemble a man. His boyish features seemed everlasting. How is he supposed to gain respect during the upcoming adventure from his fellow backpackers if he looks as if he belongs in an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog? Here is how to be a man, how to look like a man.

How to Be a Man, a Rugged Mountain Man

Tips on How to Be a Man, How to Appear Manly:

How To Be A Man: Grow A Beard

This tip is number one for it is most important. A good beard symbolizes more than your ability to dominate puberty. With your beard you are the alpha male, it shows that you’re a free spirit and you stray from the social norm. Grow a beard to keep you warm at night, gain respect, and assert your dominance over the clean-shaven folk.

How To Be A Man: Wear A Flannel

The flannel is complementary with your beard. Wear it with no shirt underneath. Preferably a flannel with two solid colors, one of those colors being black. Studies show that there is a very large demographic of women attracted to the beard/flannel combination, it’s true; I read it on a Snapple cap.

How To Be A Man: Build The Fire

The knowledge of building a strong fire is not only imperative in any survival situation around the world. It is a true man’s activity. Gather wood, break it over your thigh and stack it in a structure that will burn hotter than an overweight male waiting in line for a churro in an amusement park.